Zim's plan of Doomy Love
by Dragonflyy
Summary: Zimmy has a most disasterly plan for Dib! and it involves walking around in high heels! Pants optional... unless of corse you're wearing a skirt. That is required.
1. Chapter 1: DOOM!

A/N ok I will have to do several chapters now! isn't the challange marvelous?

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Once upon a time, there was a little green boy named Zim…. No I don't suppose he was a boy was he? He was more of a walking talking lizard than a human boy. But anyways, I'm off track here. This… ummm… thing decided one morning to make someone's life a misery. Zim never knew why he did these things, he just did. Any way, the particular someone Zim was thinking about was a large headed boy named Dib. Now Dib knew that Zim was out of this world (literally) and he hated him for it. But no matter how hard he tried, Dib had trouble convincing others of his hypothesis (ooo I just love that word! It's so scientificy!).

Drat I'm off task again aren't I? MOVING ON! Now, Zim had many plans for Dib. And I mean MANY plans. Filing cabinets full of dreadful, tormenting, horrible ideas. Isn't it wonderful? Now one idea was so idiotic, so stupid, and so utterly repulsive, that naturally, Zim had to try it. Now, Zim had heard of the emotion humans called love, so he planned to make Dib fall in love with him. (I never said that Zim was a sane talking lizard, most of them aren't) And to accomplish such a task, Zim had to become a female worm baby and act as though he

(Zim's face turned red here as he explained it to his dumb robot) and I quote,

"L-mmmm. L-ooo-mmmm erg huh-huh aaaaAAAAHHH

(at this point he was spasmodically twitching on the floor)

mmmm

(gasps for breath and regains composure)

I have to pretend to...

(he looks constipated at this point) LIKE the big headed Dib stink!"

(Not much of a start is it?)

And so Zim began to work on his clever disguise, so that Dib wouldn't recognize him.

In the midst of his work, the dumb robot asked, "Whatcha goanna do when you become a girly girl master?" Zim turned around, outraged at the robots comment (he looked it to… If you had seen him you would be backing up a step and falling over a piggy) "Zim shall not become a girly girl, Gir! Whatever that is! The great Zim! Is merely trying to make the Dib worm fall in LOVE with Zim!" He cried with passion.

"OOOOOHHH! So when are you goanna kiss him?" Gir giggled and blushed (awww idjussokyote!).

Zim's mouth hit the floor. I mean literally, a piggy could have walked into it. He then frowned.

"Computer!" he barked.

"What is it now?" answered Computer in a lazy tone.

"Show Zim (!) The meaning of this….KISS" Zim thought that the computer sighed. In an instant, on Zim's big, screen thing of DOOM, showed him a multitude of images including passionate kisses and such. Zim stared at the horror for a second before collapsing on the floor and break dancing. All the while he was screaming, "THE HORROR! MY EYES! THEY BUUURRRNNN! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" (Aww isn't that kyote? He's foaming at the mouth! I just love Zim).

Finally, the images stopped and Zim picked himself up off the floor with an ugly grimace. "That shall never happen. I will not allow it to happen." He said determinedly

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Heehee! yes I like it and I hope you will too! 


	2. Chapter 2: Phase One

Zim walked down the hallway and almost tripped. He grumbled at his new high heels and returned his attention to smiling at everyone. He reached up and adjusted his new wig, which kept falling off. He finally reached Miss Bitters's class and looked at the teacher. He shivered and cleared his throat.

"Hi!" He said in the worst girl voice ever, "I am the great Zima! I'm new here and, OBEY ME!" An awkward silence remained when he was done his speech. He began sweating like a piggy (!). Dib was not looking at Zima at all. In fact, he was bored. He was looking out the window at a squirrel that was halfway down a snake's throat. Zim smirked and walked over to the seat by the Dib worm. Shoving the girl that was already there away, Zim took her place and said, "Hi! I'm Zima! BE MY LOVE PIG!" Dib looked over with a raised eyebrow. He looked over the new girl, who was wearing red blush on her pale cheeks. He could tell she was wearing cover-up also. Her eye makeup was smeared a bit, but her lipstick was on perfectly. She had her black hair tied up at the back of her neck. She was wearing white gloves and a black striped dress. She was wearing black high-heeled boots. He opened his mouth to say something, but Miss Bitters beat her to it.

"No more talking for the rest of the month!" She glared at Zima. "The school board seems to think that you all need friends so BE NICE (twitch)". She glared at the class.

"You! Worthless pile of Dooky! What causes a chemical reaction that creates a new atom?" The child thought for a second then opened his mouth.

"To slow! To the pit of torture!" And the child and his desk disappeared. Zima raised her hand. Miss Bitters disappeared and reappeared beside her.

"Yes?" She said quietly, so that Zima shrank in her chair. Zima opened her mouth and the bell rang. Miss Bitters hissed at the bell and zoomed back to her desk.

"Fine, go back to your homes and have a truly horrible weekend." Zima wiped sweat off her forehead and her hair came loose. Dib looked at her curiously.

"You're really brave you know." He said. Zima grimaced. "You could've gone to the pit of torture. In my opinion, that's really cool." Zima smiled, it looked painful. Dib didn't notice. His face lit up.

"Hey! Do you like aliens?" He said enthusiastically (like a piggy! Sorry I'm obsessed) Zima cleared her throat again.

"I heard there was an alien in this class" She squeaked. "I also heard you were an expert on them." Dib looked away (awe! He jussokyote!) and coughed.

"Well, I don't like to… Yeah, I guess I am" He said, swelling with pride. Zima smiled and touched Dibs arm.

"I think that's really cool." She said, making Dib look away again (like I said, AWE!) Zima removed her arm and gathered up her books.

"I've got to go, see you."

"Wait! (Omg!). Maybe…um…you could… I mean, you and I could, you know… hang out this weekend?" Dib looked so hopeful. Zima, made a sad face.

"Sorry Dib, but I have to help my parents unpack and, DON'T TOUCH ME!" and she ran away from his outstretched arm.

Dib stood there for a while, contemplating (scientificy word!) this new feeling. Had he followed the new girl, he would've seen her pressed against the wall, gritting her teeth, and looking like she was in pain. A green cat walked up and looked at her with big eyes.

"Do you need a hug master?" It said. Zima twitched and glared at the cat.

"That was the worst (twitch) possible thing, (twitch) I have ever had to endure Gir. I need to go back to the base and sterilize myself. But applaud me Gir for I accomplished phase one of my plan!" The cat stuck out its tongue happily.

"Awe. So cute!" It said. Zima glared at it and then regained her composure.

"Let's go back to the base!" she said, and strutted home.


	3. Chapter 3: A big surprise

A/N THE WAIT IS OVER!!! I give you, chapter 3!!

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The big headed Dib boy paced his room talking to his computer Diary (That boy is strange. And he's really got a big head. Man that's a big head. Anyways.)  
"Captains Log,  
The new girl, Zima, seems to be very infatuated with me. She is so pretty, her hairs shiny and, OH! Her cheeks are shiny and -squee!- I loves her so!" Dib stops pacing and considers his statement, his tongue sticking out of the corner of his big mouth.  
"I do don't I? This is new and interesting. I think I shall have it investigated! -squee!- I luffs Zima! "

Agent Mothman" Said a serious voice "Did you just squeak while talking to yourself?" It was an agent from his secret organization.  
"Yes I was." Said Dib.  
"Agent Beefy! I think our Mothman is in love" Said the woman

"Daww, that's so cuuute" Said the new agent on the screen. "Big head boy gots a girl friend!"

"MY HEAD IS NOT BIG!" Yelled Dib. "What's with him?"

"We're short staffed." said the woman.  
"BIG HEAD BIG HEAD!!"

"Well? Why did you call me?" Dib said impatiently, tapping his foot.  
"We called to warn you of this new girl at your skool. Zima is her name." Dib's jaw dropped

"But-but-noo-but!"

"Good night Agent Mothman."

"GOOD NIGHT BIG HEAD!!"

"IT'S NOT BIG!" Dib said, but the computer shut off. Dib looked at his mirror. "Is it?" he asked himself.

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On Monday, Dib noticed Zim wasn't at school. Mabye he had given up and gone home. Oh well, at least Zima would keep him company. (he's really not very bright is he?) Zima, or, the cleverly disguised Zim, was flirting all the while, and Dib was falling in love with her slowly and steadily. One fine dooms day, Dib and Zima were eating lunch together. Dib didn't really touch his food, and Zima began to wonder why. She didn't have long to wait for the answer.  
"Zima, I've been thinking" 

"Never a good thing" Zima muttered.  
"Huh?"

"I mean, I like this food!" She corrected. The green cat at her feet giggled.  
"Well, we've known each other for two day's now, and I think it's time for the next step." (ooo, this is going to be good, I know it)  
"Will you be my girlfriend?" He mumbled

"Unh?" Zima said.  
"WILLYOUBEMYGIRLFRIEND!!" it was louder, and faster this time. Zima smiled painfully. Dib, of course, didn't notice.  
"Okay DIB!! You BIG HEADED, sweet boy" (You can tell, he's conflicting with himself.)

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Gir stuffed a large chicken leg into a bucket of lard. It was his favorite pastime. He loved chicken. Munching on the tender meat, he looked crossways at his master. Shrugging, he pulled another leg out of his head, and sucked that one dry.  
"YAY CHICKEN!" He said cheerfully.  
"SILENT GIR!! I NEED TO THINK!!" Zim was pacing the floor, and there was a random moose dancing on the television that Gir was watching.  
"Think about what master? The Boy who's head smells like a puppy asked you to be his girly friend" 

"Yes that's just it. It may just be a plot."  
"OOOORRR, he just really likes yoou!" Gir said, magically pulling another leg from his head, and dipping it into the lard. Zim stopped pacing. He looked at his computer.  
"COMPUTER!! SHOW ME THE FAZES OF THIS PLAN!"

"uug fine" said the computer, and obeyed lazily. Zim began to laugh. And he laughed evilly.  
(Gir's laughing too, but you can't really hear him. And Zim laughing is not a good thing)  
"THIS IS BRILLIANT!!!" He screamed.  
"Nooo, THIS IS SPARTA!" Screamed Gir. Zim looked at him crossways not knowing what the hell the stupid thing was talking about. Not like he cared anyways. This plan would rid him of Dib forever.  
(insert evil music here, and a commercial break.)

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A/N oh yes... I used a 300 reference. They're everywhere so I just thought, what the heck. 


End file.
